design a life that feeds you
- belashah27
- Aug 23
- 4 min read
It’s a question I hear over and over again, especially from mission-driven women in transition:
“I want to feel lit up by what I’m doing, but I don’t want to burn out again.”
We assume burnout comes from doing too much. But in truth, burnout often comes from doing too much of the wrong things, and too little of what feeds our spirit.
This came up recently with a client I’ll call Maya. She had spent the last decade in public-facing work that required her to be constantly “on.” After leaving a high-pressure role, she took a year to reset and focus on learning, self-reflection, and exploring a long-held interest in writing and spiritual development.
For the first time in years, she wasn’t exhausted. She had time to think. To breathe. To sleep.
And slowly, her energy started coming back.
She found herself getting curious again. Picking up creative projects. Saying yes to invitations. But then came the tension:
“I don’t want to go back to the old version of me who was always busy, overcommitted, unavailable to myself. But I also don’t want to live in a holding pattern forever. How do I engage with the world again without losing myself and burning out?”
Not All Busy Is Bad
If you’ve ever burned out before, you probably carry a kind of vigilance. You’re wary of doing too much and rightly so. But sometimes, this caution can harden into fear. And fear can lead us to withdraw more than we need to.
Maya realized she had started saying no to things not because they weren’t aligned, but because she didn’t trust herself to stay grounded in her boundaries.
And so she found herself in limbo: not depleted, but not fully alive either.
“I miss the feeling of being in motion. I love designing things, leading things, and gathering people. But I’m afraid if I open the door, everything will rush in.”
Can you relate?
The Power of Designing Backward
Instead of telling Maya to jump back in or hold back, we explored a different path: designing her life from the inside out based on her actual needs, values, and available energy.
One of the tools we used is deceptively simple and something I often share with clients: the Life Pie Chart.
Here’s how it works:
List the key areas of your life that matter right now. (Think: Health, Relationships, Creative Expression, Financial Sustainability, Spiritual Life, Community, Rest, Learning, etc.)
Assign a percentage to each slice. What ideal proportion of your time and energy do you want to give to each one — in this current season of your life?
Now, track your actual life. Where are you overextended? What’s getting neglected? What’s been numbed out through distractions like binge-watching, scrolling, over-helping, or over-scheduling? What needs are going unmet?
This visual becomes a mirror and a map.
Suddenly, decisions that felt confusing start to clarify. That exciting new opportunity? You can see where it might fit and what it would crowd out. That gnawing feeling that something’s missing? You can pinpoint what slice of the pie you’ve been starving.
Doing Less Isn’t Always the Answer
One of Maya’s biggest breakthroughs was realizing that her burnout hadn’t come from being busy. It had come from being disconnected from her creativity, her autonomy, her community, and her sense of purpose.
“When I was doing things that didn’t reflect my values and core needs, no matter how small , they drained me. But when I’m working on something I love, even if it takes effort, I feel energized.”
That clarity gave her permission to re-enter her life on her terms.
She started co-hosting a monthly storytelling night with a friend. She offered to facilitate a short workshop at a local retreat center. She blocked time each week for creative writing and long walks. And she gave herself full permission to experiment, slowly.
From Confusion to Conscious Commitment
If you’re in a season of transition or re-entry, trying to figure out what’s next without repeating old patterns, one of the most grounding questions you can ask is:
According to Marshall Rosenberg’s Nonviolent Communication framework, we all share universal human needs, things like connection, creativity, rest, autonomy, contribution, and meaning. But the way we meet those needs can look different for each of us.
For example:
Your need for connection might be met through spiritual community, collaborative work, or quality time with close friends.
Your need for contribution might come alive through leadership, not just behind-the-scenes support.
Your need for rest might not be about doing nothing, but about having space to choose, to reflect, to breathe.
When you begin mapping your commitments against your core needs, your calendar becomes a compass. You move from ambiguity to alignment. From “I should do this” to
“This nourishes something essential in me.”
Instead of defaulting to yes or no, you begin asking:
➡️ Which need is this commitment meeting?
➡️ What will this commitment require from me, and what will it restore?
➡️ If I say yes to this, what slice of my life will shrink?
One conscious choice at a time, you start building a life that doesn’t just look good, but feels like yours.
What About You?
If you’re standing at the edge of something new…
If you’ve burned out before and you’re scared to dream again…
If you want to build something meaningful — but you also want rest, joy, and your weekends back…
Start here.
🧩 What are the pieces of a whole, meaningful life for you — right now?
👉 Name your top 8–10 needs right now 🧠💬📝(You can use Rosenberg’s Needs Inventory as a guide.)
📊 How are you currently investing your time and energy?
❤️ What needs are you trying to meet — and what actually meets them?
Design from that place.
Your clarity, your capacity, and your next steps will all start to reveal themselves.
One aligned slice at a time.
Want help designing your own Life Pie or mapping out your next chapter in a way that protects your energy and feeds your soul?
I’d love to support you. Schedule a consult here.
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