Living your values: a skill to prevent burnout and unlock your potential

Last week, I shared a  post about the burnout we experience when we are disconnected from our core — something I’ve personally encountered in my own leadership journey. As someone who once pushed through misalignment out of fear, I’ve come to learn that clarity, energy, and fulfillment only return when we live from our values. In this newsletter, I explore what it really means to live in alignment with your values, why it’s not always as straightforward as it sounds, how to practice values-based decision-making, and why this matters so deeply for your wellbeing and success — especially if you’re a mission-driven leader.

What Are Core Values, Really?

Core values are the deep-rooted principles that guide how we live, lead, and make decisions. They act as an internal compass — pointing us toward what truly matters.

In Western psychology, values are understood as deeply held beliefs that influence behavior and motivation.. But across cultures and wisdom traditions, values are more than just internal preferences — they are practices for living in harmony with ourselves, others, and the world.

• In Ubuntu philosophy from parts of Southern Africa, a central value is “I am because we are.” Here, core values like compassion, interconnectedness, and dignity are not just about personal alignment, but about collective well-being.

• In Buddhism, values are cultivated through practice — such as compassion (karuna), loving-kindness (metta), and equanimity (upekkha). These are not fixed traits but evolving qualities we grow through mindfulness and ethical living.

• Indigenous traditions often emphasize stewardship of the land, honoring ancestors, and values like reciprocity, balance, and sacred responsibility. These values are relational, shaped by generations and ecosystems.

These perspectives remind us: 👉 Values are not just ideals — they are living practices. They shape not only what we choose, but how we belong and who we become.

Why Living Your Values Can Feel So Hard

In theory, living by our values should make decision-making feel easier. But in practice, it’s often far more complex.

Here are some common challenges I see in coaching:

1. Fear and scarcity stories keep us stuck. Even when we sense something is misaligned — a job, a relationship, a decision — fear can override that quiet inner voice. Thoughts like “I need this to pay the bills,” or “I can’t just quit,” or “What will people think?” keep us in situations that slowly drain us.

A client recently shared: “I’ve given everything to this mission-driven startup, but I never felt seen or respected. I knew I didn’t want to stay, but guilt and fear kept me there.”

2. Conflicting values create inner dilemmas. Many of us value both success and freedom, or impact and rest. These aren’t mutually exclusive, but in moments of pressure, they can feel like it. For example: You want to prioritize connection — but you skip quality time with loved ones to get through your to-do list.

3. Time pressure leads to reactive decisions. In the rush of daily life, we default to urgency. We tell ourselves, “I’ll make time for what matters later.”

But when we consistently trade our values for speed, we lose clarity and purpose — and burnout follows.

The Breakthrough: Values-Based Living Is a Skill

Here’s the insight that changed how I think about this:

👉 Living in alignment with your values is not just a mindset. It’s a skill — one you can build.

This means you can practice making values-based decisions, even in small moments. And like any skill, the more you practice, the more intuitive and resilient you become.

So how do you build that muscle?

3 Ways to Practice Living Your Values

1. Reconnect with what matters most. Do you know your top 3-5 core values? When was the last time you reflected on them in a meaningful way?

If you’d like a powerful reflection tool to identify your core values, send me a message — I’d be happy to share one with you.

2. Choose a value to activate each month. Psychologist Susan David describes values like facets of a diamond — some are more visible at certain times, others less so. Ask yourself:

• Which of my values are front and center right now?

• Which are being neglected — and why? Choose one value that feels underused and intentionally focus on bringing it into more moments this month.

3. Notice what gets pushed aside under pressure. When life gets busy or intense, what values do you compromise most often? What’s the long-term cost of that? Pause to notice these patterns. Name them. That’s where your power to shift begins.

Why This Work Matters

Knowing your values — and building the skill of leaning into them more often than not — can save you from a lot of painful, energy-draining detours. Often, the cost of misalignment only becomes clear in hindsight: the job you stayed too long in, the project you regretted saying yes to, the moment you didn’t speak up or step away. These seemingly small decisions add up to stress, anxiety, and burnout.

But here’s what’s even more important: Living your values consistently doesn’t just protect your energy — it builds your character.  

Organizational psychologist, Adam Grant, describes how character is what allows you to unlock your potential.

You might ask: What does character have to do with potential?

A lot.

Character is the capacity to prioritize your values over your instincts — especially in moments of pressure, fear, or uncertainty. 

Grant explains, “Where personality is how you tend to show up on a typical day, character is who you become on a hard day.”

Leadership isn’t about having all the answers. It’s about becoming someone who’s willing to learn, who can pause, reflect, and realign — even when it’s hard.

Character isn’t just about willpower. It’s about skill power.

In the famous “marshmallow test,” the children who resisted temptation weren’t simply stronger-willed — they had strategies. One hid the marshmallow. Another rolled it into a ball and played with it. They made the uncomfortable task less uncomfortable. That’s skill. That’s emotional resilience.

The same applies to us.

When you practice values-based living, you’re cultivating the skill to tolerate discomfort in service of something greater — your growth, your purpose, your future self.

Because progress, not performance, is what keeps us going.

When I think of the people I’ve coached who’ve made the biggest leaps, it wasn’t always the most “talented” who rose the fastest. It was the ones who overcame the most. Who learned to sit in discomfort. Who became people of character.

Here’s a practice I love:

🔮 Connect with your future self. Choose one value that feels hard to live into right now. Ask yourself:

• What makes this value challenging for me?

• Who do I know that models this value well?

• What impact does it have on their life?

• Why might my future self want me to strengthen this value now?

Write a short letter from your future self to your present self. What guidance do they offer? What do they want for you?

As Susan David says:

“Discomfort is the price of admission to a meaningful life.”

If this reflection resonated, I’d love to hear from you — what value are you choosing to activate this month? Drop it in the comments or send me a message. Let’s grow this practice together.

#valuesbasedliving #burnoutrecovery #leadershipcoaching #emotionalagility #futureyou