Embodied self-compassion: a leadership skill for making tough decisions and managing burnout
- belashah27
- Aug 23
- 4 min read
For a long time, I avoided conflict and situations that might lead to disappointment or confrontation, or where I feared coming across as “too assertive.” Without realizing it, this turned into a pattern of overthinking and second-guessing any decision that felt complex.
The truth is: any decision involving people will be complex.
In my effort to make everyone happy and keep the peace, I often drained my own mental and emotional energy. Some days I hadn’t done much “work,” yet I felt completely depleted.
On a silent meditation retreat, I finally had the space to step away from this pattern — and I saw clearly:
The constant scanning for approval and the fear of upsetting others were draining my focus, energy, and creativity.
Even more powerful was uncovering the deeper need beneath this pattern: the need to be loved and accepted.
A Pattern I See in Mission - Driven Leaders
I’ve been amazed to see this pattern repeatedly emerge with mission-driven leaders that I coach. They care deeply, sometimes too deeply, about their teams, funders, partners, and communities. But this over-care can lead to avoidance, indecision, and burnout.
A recent client came to me wanting to feel more confident and make clearer decisions. She already had a high level of self-awareness. She could name the problem: her inner critic caused her to doubt her intuition, procrastinate, and avoid appearing “too assertive.”
In those critical moments when decisive action was needed, she froze — spiraling into doubt, second-guessing herself, and feeling stuck.
She thought she needed tools for better decision-making — a head-based approach.
Instead, I asked her:
“What do you notice in your body when your inner critic shows up?”
At first, she wasn’t sure. But through guided reflection, she began to notice the tightness in her chest, the sweaty palms — and eventually, the emotion beneath it all:
Shame.
She said, “I feel like I should know better. I should be able to lead more clearly by now.”
Shame at Work: The Hidden Burnout Driver
Shame is often misunderstood. It isn’t just about feeling embarrassed. Shame is rooted in a deeper human need: to be loved and accepted.
In leadership, shame can show up as the need to be liked, validated, or approved of by your team, your peers, your advisors, etc.
But here’s the challenge:
Leadership requires making decisions that won’t be liked by everyone.
For those of us who’ve internalized the belief that being a “good” leader means being well-liked, this can feel difficult. You don’t want to be a leader who’s disconnected or domineering — but you also don’t want to abandon your integrity to keep everyone happy.
What surprised me to learn and what always surprises my clients is what Dr. Chris Germer, co-founder of the Center for Mindful Self-Compassion, explains:
Shame is simply an innocent signal that we long to belong.
And the good news is that as adults, we can learn to give ourselves the love and acceptance we seek through the practice of self-compassion.
Self-Compassion Is Not a Luxury, It's a Leadership Practice
As ambitious, mission-driven leaders, we dismiss self-compassion as a “nice-to-have” when we have time or even if we have time, it feels self-indulgent and we wonder if it’s really going to make a difference in our leadership.
But the truth is:
Impactful leadership doesn’t come from intellect alone.
You can’t “think” your way through fear and shame.
You need embodied tools that help you feel safe, grounded, and aligned.
Self-compassion is that tool.
When practiced in the body, self-compassion brings crystal clarity — the kind of clarity that leads to confident decisions and prevents burnout.
Embodied Self-Compassion: The Antidote to Shame
One of the most effective self-compassion practices I use — and teach — is soothing and supportive touch:
A nurturing hand connecting with your heart and belly
A deep, gentle breath
A few quiet moments to notice how you feel
Allowing yourself to embrace what arises in the body, and asking yourself, “How can I be a friend to myself in this moment?”
When I guide myself or a client through this practice, something shifts: The nervous system settles, the swirl of doubt quiets, the emotions surface and can be named, and then slowly, clarity emerges.
A Moment I’ll Never Forget
One of the most moving moments with my client emerged through this guided, embodied practice. As she imagined receiving a long, nurturing hug from a motherly presence, her body softened. She visualized a dark purple circle in her chest transforming into a beige funnel—a visceral reminder of the body’s ability to heal when we listen.
Later, she shared: “After naming what I was feeling, observing my body, and offering myself kindness — everything became abundantly clear.”
That’s the power of embodied compassion: It clears the static of self-doubt so you can hear your inner wisdom.
Being in Your Body: The Missing Link in Preventing Burnout and Leading with Clarity
Most leadership advice skips over the body. It jumps straight to tactics, communication frameworks, or productivity hacks.
But when your body is in a state of fear, shame, or stress, no amount of strategy will bring clarity.
Next time you are experiencing self-doubt or second-guessing your instincts:
Pause.
Place a hand on your heart, arm, or cheek — somewhere that feels comforting.
Take three slow breaths.
Bring your awareness to your body.
Notice your physical sensations.
Name what you’re feeling (e.g., “shame,” “fear of rejection,” “anger”).
Ask yourself: What do I need right now to feel supported?
Then: What would a clear, wise voice say in this situation?
Let your body settle — and watch your mind follow.
Leadership is not about being immune to shame or fear. It’s about learning how to have compassionate awareness of these emotions in your body.
Embodied self-compassion is a core leadership capacity that can help you have clarity, make difficult decisions, and prevent burnout.
Are you a mission driven-leader who is struggling with burnout and want to explore working with me? There are two ways:
✨ Coming soon: I am proud to have received my teacher training from the Center for Mindful Self-Compassion. Join my upcoming online course to learn embodied, mindful self-compassion, an evidence-based approach to prevent and manage burnout, experience clarity, and build confidence.
Sign up here to get notified.
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